August 19, 2013 ~ 2:43am
This is not a journal entry, but something about being awake this late makes me feel like a walking void. Which doesn't make since because in this case I mean a completely empty space. Being up this late, or rather early, makes me think about the last time that I was consistently up at this time and later/earlier. I was so unhappy. And I know it isn't completely gone. Sometimes I feel it in segments through a span of days or weeks. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes I can't breathe. Right now I feel numb. I'm thinking about everything and absolutely nothing and I don't understand myself. I am just existing mostly. I'd rather sit alone and observe people from afar. But maybe not everyone was meant for participation. And maybe it means something when you think about someone and they contact you within that same day before not speaking for yet almost another month. And maybe it means something to put others before yourself. Maybe it means something to just want to sleep all day. Maybe it means something when you start humming a song you haven't heard in years. And maybe it means something to like people a little more despite how they treat you sometimes. Or maybe it doesn't mean anything at all.